


You Have my Last Name... For What?

by AstorOlogy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Amnesia, Angst and Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Keith (Voltron) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, M/M, NSFW, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Sexual Content, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Trans Keith (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22891834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstorOlogy/pseuds/AstorOlogy
Summary: Keith and Shiro got married before he left for Kerberos... the only problem? Shiro has no recollection of that event."Woah- Dude, what's this all about?" Lance teased, tugging the chain hard enough it broke off, "never told us you had a girl back home!" he said, showing the room as if it were his trophy."Lance, give that back!" Keith snapped, standing up in an attempt to snatch the ring back, instead getting elbowed right in the ribs."No way. Hey, guys! Keith's hitched!"
Relationships: Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron), sheith
Comments: 15
Kudos: 138





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter contains the following: mentions of self-harm, PTSD, depression, abandonment issues, angst, and past abuse. Read with caution
> 
> If I miss ANYTHING in the tags or notes, PLEASE let me know!

Keith closed his eyes for a moment, sinking further into the hot water of his bath. He was exhausted, sore, and just... sad. He was sad, that was the word he was looking for. Keith had been let down in one of the worst ways just weeks ago when he was reunited with the love of his life: Takashi Shirogane. He really should have expected this, though, after all, he assumed Shiro had been through, and after he knew he'd been through. He should have known Shiro wouldn't remember their biggest life event!

Keith sucked in a breath, holding his fist and biting at the insides of his cheeks. Why'd he punch the wall? Why'd he punch the fucking wall? He looked at his knuckles in the water, then at the small dent in the plaster-like wall, which he examined critically. It reminded him of his last foster home, which had been hell for him. They'd call him the wrong name, steal his binders, and beat him if they found him hurting in his room. He grits his teeth, shifting himself and hitting the wall, again and again, only stopping when the wall crumbled around his fist and his knuckles bled.

The bath wasn't successful. He sat upon his bed, worrying himself with wrapping up his bruised knuckles and his ankles. Everything stung, considering he'd rubbed his cuts and bruises with soap until they were raw - Keith shook his head, not wanting to dwell on this for longer than he had to. The young man got up and crossed the room, pulling on his sports bra, shirt, pants... Ring. The ring he worried between his fingers all day every day until he saw Shiro again. It was quite shiny, given his constant polishing.

After the ring, he dug out his pictures, the marriage licence, his ID, and finally Shiro's dog tags. Keith considered them for a moment, reading his name over and over again. Keith Shirogane. Keith Shirogane. Keith Shirogane. That was him. He wasn't Keith Kogane anymore, but Shiro didn't know that. How was he supposed to even bring that up to him? Oh, Shiro, by the way, I have your last name! We're married! Keith smiled bitterly at the thought, but put everything neatly in his desk drawer... aside from the ring, which he put on a chain that was lodged in the depths of his pockets and put it around his neck. The ring gets tucked securely between his chest and his shirt, for now.

Keith quietly dreaded sparring with Shiro. What if he saw the ring? What if Keith got excited... like he used to. It was a pretty funny thought in all honesty. One that made him clear his throat in bittersweet amusement and put that thought away for later. Though he did breathe a sigh of relief when he was paired with Lance, and they made their way to one of the empty training mats. Away from everyone else, toward the far end where Keith was most comfortable.

"You ready, mullet?" Lance questioned haughtily, eyebrows wiggling suggestively as he squatted just low enough to be considered 'athletically'.

"Of course I am. I'm prepared for whatever you got coming," Keith replied, eyes-rolling. In short, Keith was not prepared.

Whatever Lance had learned the day before had Keith winded beneath his opponent, vision swimming just briefly before he felt a tug on his chain. Shit...  
"Woah- Dude, what's this all about?" Lance teased, tugging the chain hard enough it broke off, "never told us you had a girl back home!" He said, showing the room as if it were his trophy.

"Lance, give that back!" Keith snapped, standing up in an attempt to snatch the ring back, instead getting elbowed right in the ribs.

"No way! Hey guys! Keith's hitched!"


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: NSFW content, AFAB language, trauma (PTSD), talk of non-con body modification, gore/mutilation, mis-matched memories/flashbacks
> 
> If I miss ANYTHING in the notes or tags, PLEASE let me know!

Shiro didn’t sleep all night, given that every time he closed his eyes there were flashes of blood, gashes and wounds - his arm dangling above him. The thought made him get up and take a cold shower. Life was confusing after Kerberos. He knew that huge chunks of his memory were missing, and the glances Keith would give him made him yearn for… something. Something like love, but hadn’t he just been a friend to Keith?

The man groaned lowly, turning his face toward the icy water beating against his skin, hands clenching into fists and unclenching again, over and over until he had to think of something other than his breathing. Shiro blinked his eyes open, squinting at the light above him. A couple of images fluttered into existence - memories without faces and distorted voices. It was as if it was taken from him on purpose as if they didn’t want him to know what happened in his life. Though he let his mind continue drifting, on and on until he reached what he needed, a distraction.

Takashi Shirogane was undeniably a gay man, who had absolutely no interest in women, but there were some clips of memory he remembered vividly. Whoever it was had a sweet, lean and scarred body, scarred chest and sweet cunt. He huffed, relaxing against the wall and allowing himself to indulge. He didn’t enjoy the fact that whoever his memory-self was fucking had no discernable features, but he couldn’t care at the moment. Losing himself of the pleasure.

There were kisses against thighs, a bittersweet taste and fingers in his hair. His hand wrapped around their neck, cutting off their air supply while simultaneously fucking the air out of them - telling them I love you with a blank space right after, where a name would be. Shiro groaned audibly, one hand coming up to rub over his face, still working on himself. It seemed that after all the trauma, it took him too long to find release. He let his head thunk on the wall behind him, panting into the air and screwing up his face. Shiro’s heart thrummed in his ears, the tingling in his thighs rising into his spine and shooting through his body - finally coming in his fist, washing away just as quick as he packed those disrupted memories away.

Takashi, after his shenanigans in the shower, busied himself with getting dressed - pulling on a long-sleeved shirt and the jeans Keith had graciously given him back in the desert. That day had been an interesting one if he was being honest. Keith had searched his face for so long, and the poor boy looked so incredibly sad even with a smile on his face. He just couldn’t place the issue. He knew that Keith had a hard time with grief, but wouldn’t he be ecstatic to see Takashi again? But, also, why had he woken up with Keith pressed into his chest that morning? All these questions nagged at the man, and he rubbed his ring finger absently. Maybe it was a tic leftover from Adam, but that had been so long ago…  
“Nothing makes sense,” Shiro supplied to himself, looking both his hands over before getting drawn out of his thoughts when Coran’s voice came over the intercom, telling them it was time for training.

Shiro could basically feel Keith’s displeasure as soon as he stepped into the room, watching him stare at his feet and tense as he called out pairs. Normally he’d spar with the young man, but he seemed… apprehensive by the end of the list. Shiro didn’t want him to be uncomfortable again.  
“Keith, go with Lance. I’ll spar with Allura this morning,” he said finally, offering the younger man a small smile when he looked up, and Keith’s face was full of relief. Takashi wasn’t going to lie, that had taken him back quite a bit. What exactly was bothering Keith so badly? He’d need to talk to him after training, and get to the bottom of the growing strain in their relationship. He was quick to start stretching, though, pushing the thoughts away and turning toward the Princess instead.  
“Let me know when you’re ready,” he offered with a faint smile, and Allura let out a light chuckle.  
“What’s the point of being part of a war if you’re never ready?” She had a great point.

Yelling, screaming and certainly fighting were all expected during training - and of course, Lance’s gloating when he managed to get Keith on his back. Shiro almost congratulated him from his place under the Princess, but blinked when the boy lifted something shiny into the air, and loudly declared “Keith’s hitched!” Hitched? Married? Wait - to who? Shiro was so shocked he thought he might have to hold his jaw closed, but he did have to calm the two boys down eventually.

  
“Lance!” Shiro shouted, then quietly thanked Allura when she helped him up, “inappropriate, come on,” he said, crossing the mats to take the ring from Lance. “You know better. You don’t take these kinds of things,” he explained simply, looking down at the jewellery that was now in his hand. It was a nice ring, bright rose gold with a dark titanium band inlay. And - hey, there was a name inside. “Shirog-” he had started to say, to which Keith seemed to finally take his cue, scratching his blunt nails over Shiro’s flesh palm as he took it back.

“I think this is mine,” Keith reminded, swallowing tightly and holding it to his chest, his knuckles going white as he held onto it.

“... Keith, that’s got my name on it,” Takashi said slowly, feeling a displeased frown come to his face. He didn’t remember exactly what rings he and Adam had gotten, but that’s where he assumed the ring came from, “where’d you get it, Keith? I want that back,”

“I-” Keith visibly tensed, heart feeling like it would burst out of his chest. The boy looked like he’d run away at any minute now, and as far as Shiro was concerned, he might need to if he wasn’t answered.

“Kogane, now. Did you take it from my storage unit?”

“My name’s Shirogane, too!” Keith snapped, stuffing the ring in his pocket before Shiro could pry it out of his hand.

“You’ve lost your damn mind, Keith. We were friends, nothing more!”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter Contains: Sadness, hurt/comfort, accusations, yelling, flashbacks, PTSD, technically unrequited love, and hope. 
> 
> If I've missed ANYTHING in the notes or tags, PLEASE let me know!

“Shiro, you really don’t remember?” Keith’s voice was small, pathetic and watching the floor. He couldn’t look at Shiro right now, he couldn’t stand to be under that accusing gaze. Keith just hoped this would be forgotten later, hoped these eyes wouldn’t follow him anymore. His whole team was staring, those he thought wouldn’t judge him… and yet. “I didn’t want to jump the gun. I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable-”  
“Well, now I am! This feels like some kind of joke, Keith,” the older man supplied, even though he knew Keith wouldn’t do that to him. Keith was honest with Shiro, open and close with him. And Pidge - Katie - she looked so heartbroken for the both of them that Keith couldn’t be lying. What had gone so wrong he didn’t remember this?

“I wouldn’t joke about this!” Keith’s voice alone broke Shiro’s heart, “I have the- the-, Shiro, please-”

“I would have remembered,” he heard Shiro state, which made Keith flinch. Though Shiro’s tone did seem to soften around the edges, but not enough, “Keith,” Shiro started again, reaching to hold his shoulder but Keith side-stepped, wobbly on shaking legs.

“No, no it’s fine,” he assured, clearing his throat and squaring himself to the man again. Keith tried to turn his emotions inward, blinking back the tears and trying to keep himself calm, “I’ll put it away, you don’t even have to remember this happened. No one does,” he said pointedly, putting on his best neutral face as he looked over his… team. Pidge looked as broken as Keith felt about the whole situation, and she even stepped up.

“No- guys, hold on,” she started, coming between them with a furrowed brow, “you got married, before Shiro left. It was a nice ceremony, on the twenty-fifth of April twenty eighty-six,” She told them, even though Keith hadn’t forgotten at all.  
“Shiro, you forgot your shoes thirty minutes before. Matt had to drive you back and… you were late. Your honeymoon was in the shitty bed-and-breakfast in Rolane county, just because you knew Keith liked the biscuits and gravy there,” Pidge tried, looking between them. Shiro still looked confused, but Keith just sighed.

“But,” Shiro interjected in the silence, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, “why the hell didn’t you say anything before-”

“I have the papers, Shiro-”

“We’ve been in space two weeks, Keith-”

“I thought you’d remember on your own!” Keith cried openly now, shoulders shuddering under some invisible weight. Greif, probably, “But you didn’t! I didn’t know how to help! I thought time would help you remember- I thought it was nerves-” Keith sobbed, and Shiro’s face screwed itself up. His hands came to scrub over his face for a moment. He was searching for the reasons, the memories, and the problem, but he came up with nothing.

“Keith, I don’t remember. And this-” he gestured openly to Keith’s crying form, “is hurting more than helping. Do you understand that?” his voice raised before he could stop it, and something behind Keith’s eyes snapped, it was as if Shiro was suddenly looking at a child. It didn’t even take long for Keith to bolt past him, the older man barely able to react - and reaching out to stop Keith just made him stumble as he ran. Shiro witnessed, at that moment, the change from fox to rabbit.

Keith ran down the hall as fast as he could, away from the situation and away from the issues and away from the emotions. He could feel his trauma rearing its ugly head, remembering the pain he felt as a child for frustrating someone. He couldn’t go back to that space right now, not now- Keith skidded around the corner, breathing harshly when he got to his door. He slammed his hand against the scanner, then barreled his way inside. He needed a tight space, somewhere he could hide… the closet. Keith didn’t think to lock his door, instead of opening the closet and sitting down to scoot himself in.

It took a minute to get in there enough to shut the door properly, but once he was there, he could properly decompress. In such a tight space he felt grounded, curled down over his knees and hugging himself as his breathing finally began to slow down. Today was so overwhelming, and everything had just been stacking too quickly that he’d needed out. He thought he could do it, he thought it’d be okay, but instead, here he was. Crying quietly into his knees and digging his nails into his skin until he fell asleep.

Keith was so disoriented when he woke up, even more so when he had to kick open his closet door. He didn’t remember stuffing himself in here, but it didn’t matter for very long. Pidge was sitting on his bed, looking up from her computer when Keith emerged.

“Hey… How’re you doing?” she inquired, taking note of his hiding place for future reference.

“Like shit,” Keith supplied, voice hoarse from his crying, “I want to sleep. Want to forget, mostly,” he told her as he stood up, brushing out his shirt and keeping his eyes down. Pidge hummed in reply, then scooted more to the left, patting the new space next to her.

“Come on, I wanna show you something,” She said, watching Keith hesitate before he walked over. The day had been especially hard for him, she knew, and he needed a friend. “There’s this really cool cluster of stars and gasses I saw when flying Green one day. It looks kind of like the cat's eye nebula,” She explained, pulling up a couple of pictures to show Keith. And for now, Keith’s tension slid away - not all of it, but enough that he could begin to relax.

“Hey, that’s pretty neat,” he commented, shifting closer to Pidge and studying the pictures, “I wonder if it’s got a name. Maybe we can ask Allura or Coran about it?”

“Hey, that’s a great idea. But I wonder if they’d know. You know, cause of the whole ten-thousand year thing,”

“Yeah, you’ve got a point there,” a smile quirked Keith’s lips, and for just a moment, he felt alright again.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter Contains: Shiro thinks briefly that Keith may have been assaulted sexually, mentions of breathplay, mentions of sexual content, implied/referenced dysphoria

Shiro had, after Keith ran from the room, stood there in what could only be considered bittersweet awe. The whole situation left him feeling winded, and the way Hunk, Lance and Pidge were looking at him was… a lot to take in.

“You three, go- you’re dismissed,” he said softly, then cleared his throat when they didn’t move as fast as he wanted them to. After that, they scattered, and Shiro turned to see Allura. She only offered him a sympathetic look before trailing after the three paladins, leaving the black paladin to his own devices. He had a lot to think about.

His memory wasn’t all there - and what if he had memories of everything Keith had told him? What if he had memories of important things about the Galra? How would he help his husband, or team, respectfully? Shiro shook his head, putting his hands on his hips and letting out a harsh sigh, watching how his feet pressed into the training mat to keep himself grounded. Then, he snorted in some kind of dark amusement. What, was Keith the one he was fucking in his memories? It was possible, but he’s not so sure Keith would be willing to do that sort of thing. Keith was… very inward with his feelings, trust and most certainly his body.

Shiro remembers many instances of Keith hiding himself - he always chose the farthest stall in the communal bathrooms if he was forced to shower after training. Or, if they were changing, he’d hide behind the door of his locker. And even after having top surgery, he always covered up. Keith wasn’t keen on showing himself… so, how could Shiro have ever broken down that wall? Enough to choke the boy, even - that just sounded like it was impossible in every universe. Not to mention, all the trauma Keith had faced… that couldn’t have helped in any way. What if he’d been… no. Best not to think about that.

Once he’d had enough standing around on the training deck, he made his way down to his room - the one at the very end of the hall, right before Keith’s. The walls weren’t particularly thick, so he just prayed he wouldn’t have to hear any crying. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle any more of it, seeing how he’d very clearly hurt Keith enough to send him running away earlier. He walked by the red paladin’s door slowly, even stopping to listen for a minute before ducking into his quarters. He hadn’t heard anything, but he wouldn’t deny he had the urge to check on Keith. But he… he had to do something, first. He had to write out everything he knew - everything he remembered.

Shiro sat himself down at a desk that was fixed to the wall, having to mess around with the buttons before he figured out how to make the holographic computer screen and keyboard pop up. It was a little fritzy, and the keys weren’t in their normal QWERTY placements, but it was the best Pidge and the Princess could do. So, off Shiro started, writing down the depths of his memory - even things he wasn’t sure about divulging to Keith, but if it helped… he had to write it. Though, he knew he could be a much better writer than he was.

He was there most of the day, writing everything not-quite in order. He’d written down everything he thought was pertinent… after realising that, maybe, what he had for a midnight snack while he was at the Garrison wasn’t exactly important. Still, he pushed himself out of his seat and stretched out with a groan. Sitting that long had given him multiple cramps, and good god he needed a walk. Perfect time to grab something to eat, right? Shiro nodded quietly to himself at the thought, unlocking his door and stepping into the hallway. He stared at Keith’s door a second time, face screwed up in worry as his mind took the time to drift off.

_“Shiro, you sure this is smart?” Keith?_

_“Yeah- well, not really. But it’s pretty up here, you’ll like it.”_

_“This is a corny idea for a first date,” Keith commented, making Shiro turn to look. The smile on his face betrayed his attempt at a grimace. Keith. He loves Keith-_

_“I thought you liked it when I was corny,” The door opens after Shiro scans his ID. He’d have to make an excuse for going to the roof tomorrow to Iverson, he was sure._

_“I don’t like it,”_

_“Keith, hey-”_

_“I love it. I love you,”_

_“I love you, too, Keith.”_

Shiro shook his head, reaching up to rub his temples as a headache set in. What, had he unlocked something he wasn’t meant to? But it was such a nice memory-

“... Shiro?”

“Keith? Oh, Keith-” the black paladin blinked, then levelled Keith with a small, apologetic smile, “I’m sorry. I just wanted to say-”

“No, don’t. Shiro, It’s okay,” Keith shifted uncomfortably, hands behind his back, watching Shiro’s face before looking down again, “It’s alright. Just… here,” Keith held out a mass of what included their marriage certificate, IDs, pictures, and a tablet he stole from the Garrison.

“Keith is this… ours?” Shiro asked, taking it carefully.

“Yeah. You had copies, but it uh, probably got lost in space. I thought you’d want to see it, that’s all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not in love with this chapter, I'm not gonna lie. I finished it during a big bout of depression, and I hope it's up to everyone's standards. Thanks so much for keeping up with me, I hope you enjoy!


	5. Chapter Five

This chapter contains: argument/accusations, flashbacks, mentions of sex and objectification(? If you can call it that)

As much as Keith wanted to try jumping headfirst into married life again, he just couldn’t help but feel like that’d do more harm than good. He and Shiro sat a ways apart from each other on Shiro’s bed - Keith pointedly avoiding the other man's gaze as he mulled over their options.    
  
“Shiro,” he started slowly, licking his lips and glancing up. He still couldn’t look at him yet, “jumping in like that, might be too much,” he admitted, looking hurt at his own words. Shiro couldn’t blame Keith for thinking this way, though. Shiro had been through a lot, and Keith… Keith would always put him first.    
  
“... I know,” Shiro says, reaching out to place a grounding hand on Keith’s shoulder, “what if we just. Spent nights together? Touch a little more. Like, dating,” he offered, but flinched when Keith’s face fell even more. Dating had been the wrong word, but Keith didn’t let Shiro correct himself.    
  
“Yeah, okay,” he nodded, sucking in a hard breath as he turned, facing Shiro head-on now, “but we owe the team an explanation, don’t we?”    
  
“We do,” Shiro conceded, hand dropping from Keith’s shoulder to sit in his lap instead. It had been days since the incident, and everyone was treating both of them like glass, “we’ll call a meeting? It doesn’t have to be tonight-”   


“I want to get it over with,” Keith tells him, voice wavering. Shiro couldn’t imagine how horrible Keith felt right now, and he definitely couldn’t imagine how it felt to have a husband who didn’t even know he was married to you. Waiting for your husband for a whole year, saving him from aliens, only for him to think you’re just his friend. Shiro shook the thoughts from his head, and Keith continued, “I shouldn’t have had to explain this to anyone in the first place.”   
  
Keith’s tone startled Shiro, it felt like he got bit. Keith was, for the first time, angry with their situation. He had every right to be, in all honesty, but it was still surprising… if a bit hurtful.    
  
“Keith… I know. I know, and I’m sorry,” Shiro breathed, trying to be delicate as he watched Keith’s hands ball into fists, “it’s just that-”   
  
“That what? You couldn’t hold onto a memory of me?” Keith rose to his feet, jaw set, “You haven’t even told anyone what happened to you out there, Shiro. You’ve barely said a damn thing, how am I supposed to help you without knowing the problem?” 

It wasn’t a question. Keith continued, red welling in his nails.    
  
“I brought you home. I held you for the first time in too long. Shiro, I thought you were  _ dead _ and when I talked to you when we woke, you were a stranger. You were just Officer Shirogane again. Pitying little old me for being a foster kid, pitying little old me for this, that and the other all over again,”    
  
“Keith-” Shiro’s voice came out like a croak, and he scrunched his face into something indiscernible, “I don’t remember! I don’t remember what happened, not enough to pinpoint what made me forget everything,” he said, a little louder than he would have liked to, “I remembered our first date. I think I remember you and me-”   
  
“You and I what?” Keith tested, straightening out some, wiping his bloodied palms on his black trousers.    
  
“Having sex,” Shiro relented in a sigh, and Keith made a face. He seemed confused again, glancing Shiro over. “My memories, they’re messed up. There are no faces, no names and no voices. Every memory I have of  _ that  _ I can’t see your face, I can’t hear your name,” 

That perplexed Keith even more, and he looked to the wall again. The thought of Shiro having those memories without knowing who’s body it was made his stomach twist oddly.    
  
“... Did you not want to know me?” Keith asked slowly, gulping down the lump in his throat.    
  
“What? No, that’s- I’d never do that, Keith. Never. It’s more like… more like corrupt video footage,”    
  
“Someone hurt you?”    
  


_ “Wipe him,” the druid growls, clawed fingers digging into his temples. “He won’t be a champion if he keeps begging to see his husband. He’s useless to us with even a shred of happiness.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Yes, right away,”  _

_ “Any mention of this Keith Shirogane must be wiped. Then, we give him his arm. He’ll be a war machine soon enough.”  _ _   
_ _   
_

Shiro’s snapped back to reality by Keith grabbing his shoulders and shaking him, panic in his eyes.    
  
“Keith- Keith I’m here,” he says, letting out a shaky breath as Keith stops the shaking, but doesn’t stop touching him. Keith’s hands came up to cup Shiro’s cheeks, wiping away the tears that spilt down, “they took you away from me,”    
  
That admission had Keith choking on a sob, biting his lip so hard he split it before he hugged Shiro close. He pressed his face into the older man's neck, hands in his hair. Keith apologised profusely, but Shiro barely heard him. Simply rocking himself and Keith in an attempt to soothe them both. 

  
  


By the time they both calmed down, Keith had found his way onto Shiro’s lap, head on his shoulder and arms about his waist. Shiro, too, held the back of Keith’s head with one hand and rubbed his back slowly with the other, leaned against the wall his bed was pushed against. It was quiet in the room aside from their breathing, and Keith’s occasional sniffles, but thankfully most of the earlier tension had melted away. They both had a million unanswered questions, and what Shiro had suddenly remembered opened both their eyes. This wasn’t as simple as anyone thought, and there would need to be some digging done when they had the energy. 

For now, though, they were just together. 

“Keith,” Shiro says gingerly, earning a small hum from Keith in response, “I never apologised for what I said on the training deck,” 

“... It’s okay,” Keith murmured, shifting slightly in his arms to meet his gaze. Shiro didn’t look very convinced, and his fingers curled into Keith’s dark hair just a tad.    
  
“No, it wasn’t. I was unreasonable, Keith. I yelled at you, and made you run off. I’m sorry. I triggered you, didn’t I?”    
  
“Shiro, I’m- I was fine,” Keith tried, but he couldn’t disagree. He had been upset by the yelling, yes, but Shiro hadn’t sent him spiralling, “I calmed down,”

Shiro didn’t seem to buy it, but he did relent, scanning Keith’s face slowly. They were quiet for a little while longer before Shiro started to speak again, voice soft. 

“Could I kiss you?” 

The question had Keith blinking, but after a minute he realised Shiro wasn’t going to do so without a definite yes, and then nodded his head. 

“You can,” he said, brushing the last of Shiro’s tears away before pressing their foreheads together, “you don’t have to ask,”


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter Contains: fear of abandonment, implied/referenced trauma, mentions of breaking up

Their kiss wasn’t near Earth-shattering, sadly, but it was still pleasant. Shiro could finally place where that phantom soft feeling came from in the trenches of his mind. He touched Keith’s face gingerly, letting his eyes close as Keith pressed closer. It was almost as if Keith had been starved of all affection, and thought that if he pulled away he may never get to experience this again. Shiro couldn’t blame him, though. 

“Keith,” he murmured finally, pulling away slowly and sucking in a breath. The younger man refused to open his eyes, and Shiro noted the familiar twitch of Keith’s nose - it happened when he was about to cry, “Hey, are you-”

“I’m fine,” Keith interjected with a hard swallow, sighing as he forced himself to calm down, “There’s just- there’s just a lot going on in my brain right now, it’s hard,” 

Shiro’s brow furrowed at that, his hands coming to rub over Keith’s shoulders. 

“It’s alright. Do you... Want to tell me?” Shiro inquired, and Keith’s face twisted slightly, conflicted in his feelings. 

“Yeah, uhm,” he started, shifting his weight and letting his eyes open, not yet meeting Shiro’s gaze, “before you left, you’d promised me you’d come back, that nothing would change between us. We talked when we could through the video call service, and suddenly you just... Were gone. They tried telling people it was pilot error, but I knew better. I got kicked out for it.”

“And when you came back, and got you out of that damn tent, you didn’t regard me the same. I was suddenly back to being that kid you mentored, and I thought you’d just… fallen out of love with me,” Keith coughed lightly, nose scrunching as the tears stung at his eyes again, “I thought something had changed - and I was selfish for thinking that way. It was a stupid thought, but all I could think of was that you’d abandoned me like everyone else, even though you never did,”

“I’m sorry, Keith,” Shiro said, which startled the young man so much he looked up, bewildered, “I wish there was more I could do, to help,”

“But it isn’t your fault,” Keith stated, sharply. He couldn’t believe Shiro felt the need to be sorry - Keith had been the one thinking selfishly, not him, “I assumed, and then I ignored you. I should be apologising,”

“Keith, Keith - you didn’t know. And you certainly don’t know how to fix it. You’re human, you’re going to think that way. I can’t be angry about that,” the black paladin held Keith’s shoulders tightly, grounding the man, “at least you didn’t act selfishly. At any time, you could have blamed me for everything, but you didn’t,”

Keith searched Shiro’s face, a soft noise leaving his throat, tears running down his cheeks again. Of course, all Shiro had was patience and understanding for him. It was both a blessing and a curse. A curse because he couldn’t control the floodgates most of the time. 

“I love you,” Keith choked on the words, and then on a sob, “I love you, so much,” 

“I know, Keith,” Shiro breathed, pressing Keith close again, cradling him to his chest and letting him cry, “I know. I- I love you, too,”

Even if he hadn’t recalled why he knew those feelings had always been there. Shiro just had a proper outlet to remember them by. 

The meeting was, currently, tense. Neither Keith nor Shiro knew exactly how to start, even as they stood at the head of the table, turned into each other just slightly. Shiro was relaxed in his confusion, whereas Keith was rigid and frowning - complete with his arms folded tightly over his chest. 

“... Are you guys, like, okay?” Lance inquired after a long, dragged out beat of silence, “I mean. You guys look like shit, no offence,”

Keith almost snarled, and Lance put his hands up in quick surrender. Shiro, though, let out a slow sigh and tipped his head to one side as he considered the blue paladin. 

“We’ll be okay,” Shiro started cautiously, and Keith deflated next to him, “there’s just been… a couple of hard days between us. And some details we need to discuss, of course,”

“Shiro’s amnesia isn’t just because of the trauma,” Keith said, a bit quickly. Carefully, his violet eyes glanced over before he even dared to continue, “it seems as though they were tampered with, or were erased in some way. But we’re not sure how - there’s a lot neither of us knows,”

“It also means I might have information, but I can’t access it. I might have an idea of the inner workings of the empire, but I’d have no way to tell you,” 

Pidge frowned lightly as they explained, thinking about it for a moment and chewing her lip between her teeth. 

“Could we, maybe, shock you into remembering?” Pidge suggested, eyebrows raising. Shiro might even know where her family was - it would be a win-win for all parties, right? “Like, toss you into a place you recognise,”

“Yeah, but how do we do that safely?” Keith asked, looking and sounding critical of the idea. If Pidge didn’t know him better, she might have shrunk into her seat just by his tone as Hunk had. “We don’t have any Galra ships at our disposal - hell, Shiro already has some flashbacks in the middle of missions,”

“... it’s not a terrible idea, though,” Shiro spoke up, brow furrowing lightly, “I mean. Granted, there’d have to be a lot of planning to get it done and… we may not have the time or resources for that. Can we possibly explore other therapeutic options? Something we can work on during down-time,” 

“I mean, notes work,” Hunk suggested, adjusting himself to sit up straight again, “for a little while I had to keep track of everything that happened in my life. Dreams, meals, all that,”

“Pair that with talking to someone about the trauma, then it might just work!” Coran chimed from the other end of the table, where he and Allura stood. The woman frowned, deep and calculating. 

“I’m not so sure this is all a good idea,” Allura stated after a moment, folding her hands over the front of her skirt, eyes flicking between each of the paladins, “you can barely form Voltron as it is. Trying to reconnect dots may lead to another issue if it doesn’t go as planned,” 

Everyone was stunned for a minute, staring at the princess with raised eyebrows. Keith, however, looked like he might snap her like a toothpick. 

“Isn’t it best we have strong bonds?” he asked, voice low, “I think if Shiro and I could be a functional couple again, that’d be better for the team,” 

“Keith..” Shiro reached out, taking one of Keith’s hands to pull out of the knot across his chest. Surprisingly, Keith allowed it. “Princess, if I may, it’s the lack of relationship that’s been straining on the team. At least, somewhat,”

“Or, maybe, pursuing this relationship is what’s doing it. This is war, boys. Not a fairytale,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry, I didn't really have the brainpower to write over the break. There's a lot going on at the moment - especially with this stupid pandemic. 
> 
> Also, sorry Allura's a bad guy right now - it'll get better as we keep on going, I promise! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I promise I'll be updating weekly again!


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